When someone doesn’t want to live anymore, but is afraid to die, which is usually the case, it may perhaps be time for me to look for a new ghoul friend.

Want Add

    Looking for female cadaver between the age of Crow Magnon and Australopithecus who enjoys midnight walks through the cemetery during thunderstorms, and romantic candelabra light dinners such as; rotten spinal cords smothered in Succubus juice, <Mmmmm Mmmmm!> Vampire drool with a hint of blood platelets, Leg of collage student with a touch of gang green, boiled in pustule sauce, topped off with newt entrails under glass and soft, sensual, satanic ritual music for two!  Must be good with Imps.  Am willing to relocate in the here after…

Favorite color:  Mildew

Favorite movie:  Night of the Living Dead

Favorite book:  Necromancy for the Novice

Favorite song:  ‘Thriller’ by: Michael Jackson

Favorite food:  Swamp scum

Hobbies:  Ripping the wings off insects and torturing small rodents 

Occupation:  Primarily occupied with robbing graves and eating remains.  Also like to suck the blood of beautiful women with large mammary glands before dawn.  Willing to share coffin with the right Ghoul.

Religious convictions:  ‘Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.’

Physical appearance:  Tall, with long, black cape and freshly polished teeth.  Slight rigor mortise but willing to be flexible.

Send applications to:

Mr. Sardonicus

C/O Big Scary Castle on the Hill

Outer Slovakia